Road Rage

10 New driving rules I learned in Johnson County Kansas today.

I’m sure these things happen everywhere, but after spending a couple of hours driving around Southern Johnson County today, I was filled up with the road rage and ready to unload. I had to renew my driver’s license a couple of months ago, and I found out you no longer have to even take the written exam to renew your license. Frankly after what I saw today, I think every driver in both Kansas and Missouri should have to take a full driving exam every 4 years. It might cut down on the stupid factor   that seems so prevalent on Kansas City roads these days.

  1. Turn signals are always optional.
  2. If at all possible execute left turns from the right lane, and right turns from the left lane.  (I’m pretty sure rule number 8 has something to do with this)
  3. If you crawl up a persons butt, they will go faster or get out of the way, if they don’t honk and give them the finger. Either way, tailgating is good. The closer the better.
  4. When the light turns green, count to five before stepping on the gas.
  5. You must have a cell phone glued to your head when you are behind the wheel.
  6. Weaving across the traffic lanes is OK. See rule 5.
  7. No matter how long you have lived here, use a GPS that is stuck to your windshield and obstructing part of  your view. In addition please fiddle with the GPS at all times.
  8. Always trust the route the GPS gives you, even if it is wrong.
  9. Traffic clusters are good. If at all possible, bunch up into large clusters and drive 10 miles an hour under the speed limit.
  10. At a stop light everyone must line up single file behind the first car there, no matter what lane it is in, unless the first car is in a turn lane. The objective is to form the longest line of cars at any given light.